My beloved Houston Rockets were hot last season. The star player James Harden was runner up MVP, and the team made it all the way to the Western Conference Finals only to lose to the unstoppable Golden State Warriors. We Houstoninans held our heads high and puffed out our chests a little more because finally, we had a team that was slated to go even further this next season. If you talk bad about James Harden, you might as well be talking bad about somebody’s momma here in Houston! Fast forward to this season. In a span of three months the Houston Rockets have flat out stunk…and that’s coming from a fan not afraid to admit what everyone else is thinking. Out of 17 games we’ve only won 7?! Ladies, if your man is a Houston Rockets fan and he has been particularly irritable lately, you have every right to point the finger at this organization! This flat out atrocity had me thinking how can it be that the rockets have managed to be so awful like a light just suddenly turned off. Here are my Top 5 Theories on why the Houston Rockets are “off”.
1. James Harden + Khloe Kardashian= Hot Mess
These Kardashian girls. Ugh. So over them. When we Houston Rockets fans found out that James and Khloe were a “thing” the first thought was “is this going to make The Beard lose his mojo?” Hell yes it made him lose his magical bearded powers! Then, on top of that, you add the crazy that is Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian (especially with the conspiracy theory that Lamar planned the whole thing to get Khloe to come back to him), poor James didn’t have a chance. Of course that messed with his head and I am not convinced he has recovered from it. The Kardashian curse is real ya’ll. These Kardashian barracuda man-eaters love athletes…ballers beware!
2. New Coach Needed
This was a tough break if you ask me. After 4 loses in a row the higher-ups decided that head coach Kevin McHale had to go. Like, there was no warning. They lost on a Wednesday he was fired by Thursday! Sources say that McHale wasn’t getting any respect in the locker room. He would call plays and the team would do the opposite. None-the-less McHale had a $12 Million contract with the Houston Rockets so I am sure he is on vacation somewhere bathing in dollar bills. Good for you coach!
3. James Switched His Kicks
Well…money talks, but so do championship rings James. This season Harden ended his contract with Nike and signed a $200 million dollar contract with Adidas. Now he exclusively plays in Adidas. All I have to say about this, James, you were winning the Nikes and you’re losing in the Adidas. Coincidence? IDK.
4. The Little B Curse
Last year James Harden’s signature move after making a big play or shooting a 3 was the “Cookin’ it up” or “Stirring the pot move” That can be seen here
Well Lil B (honestly I have no clue who this joker is…maybe a rap guy or something?) claims that he invented the “cooking” dance and that James stole it and won’t give him credit for it. So, Lil B “cursed” James. Has the curse of the cook up finally struck?! According to Lil B “The Curse is officially back active. It’s disgusting. … He’s still in denial. … He will pay for the blatant disrespect and no honor to the originator. All he has to do is show love.” James, for the love of God, give this fool credit so we can win a championship!
5. Is It Something I Did?
I am not one for putting things on my car, but I figured, I would rep my team in a big way, especially since we were slated to be awesome this year. So I went on Amazon and got this pretty large decal for my car. Saying it LOUD, I’m a Rockets fan and I’m proud. Well maybe I said it a little too loud. Have I jinxed the Houston Rockets by putting this on my car? They were winning before I got all loud and proud! One more loss and I think this bad boy is coming off the mommy mobile! You’re welcome Houston!